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Shawnty Witham, Burnet, Texas
Ode to the Sardines
They thrive by the miilions in the Mediterranean Sea.
Naturally loaded with protein and calcium and Omega 3.
We pacakge them headless in a self opening, go anywhere
can.
Flavored with mustard or hot sauce or just plain old bland.
I like to eat them with cold beer or inexpensive liters
of wine.
They're an excellent compliment to spirits of any kind.
I made this ugly necklace of wire, trash, chain and beads
to honor the nutritious, delicious, unappreciated sardines.
Clasp Assembly: hook and eye clasp
Dollar Value: $50.00
Adjusted Judges Score: 1 out of 7
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Susan Waters, Caroleen, North Carolina
A NECKLACE 4 LUCY:
Baby Doll Heads on a String
It's a beautiful thing
Do you think decapitated babies
Are just a little shady?
Lucy says, "It's fantastic
Some may even say coombastic!"
Clasp Assembly: Tied in a knot
Dollar Value: Not given
Adjusted Judges Score: 2 out of 7
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Jill Tatroe, Bay City, Michigan
Ode to Naked Little Trolls
Your dopey smiles
Your blank stares
You dangle blithely by
Bright bold hair
Your nudey bodies swing about
Without a care
I think I'll wear you everywhere.
Clasp Assembly: 3 large safety pins connecting the ends
of the yarn choker
Dollar Value: $25.00
Adjusted Judges Score: 2 out of 7
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Amy Tatroe, Bay City, Michigan
Christmas Angel
My little Christmas Angel
Hangin from a thread
Her gaudy beads a sparkling
A dangling round my neck
Her vapid eyes a staring from her
String of plastic beads
Whatever was I thinking
Creating this atrocity?
Clasp Assembly: Spring Ring Clasp
Dollar Value: $25.00
g
Adjusted Judges Score: 1 out of 7
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Becky Thatcher, Glen Arbor, Michigan
Ode to the Jawbone of a Deer
Oh, what a gem from the earth
This jawbone of a deer,
Fossilized, for eternity,
What more brillian preservation exists?
Bored and buddied with
Oyster's precious yield,
Strung together to
Grace a maiden's neck.
Alas, yon maiden
Wanders unadorned.
Her Prince, does he feel
Scorned?
His harbinger of love
Has been misunderstood.
Mistaken for a cast aside,
Piece of junk wood.
Oh what is left to do?
But send it to a show
To increase its credibility,
Maybe then she'll give it a go.
Clasp Assembly: Not shown or described
Dollar Value: Not Given
Adjusted Judges Score: 1 out of 7
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Mona Selnick-Doshay, Cypress, California
Something Too Ugly to Name!!
It's something too ugly to name.
But wearing it is not a shame.
Yout may think it's trashy,
But you can't call it splashy.
It's something that is shiny.
But not a bit too tiny.
You may hear the jingle,
But it won't make you tingle.
It's something that is unique,
But won't make you feel like a freak.
You wear it for yourself,
But not to display on a shelf.
Poem written on a coffee cup
Clasp Assembly: Handmade hook and eye clasp
Dollar Value: $55.00
Adjusted Judges Score: 2 out of 7
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Jessica Schleicher, Carmel, New York
Dino House
Hide your eyes
For dinosaurs reside
Upon this ugly necklace
Make haste, don't waste
Put on a face
When wearing this ugly necklace
To find the time
For writing prose and rhyme
Really makes no sense for an ugly necklace
But here they roam
Along their gaudy Home
The dinosaurs and their ugly necklace
Clasp Assembly: 2 lobster claws
Dollar Value: $60.00
Adjusted Judges Score: 2 out of 7
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Kay Stewart-Wells
Twice As Ugly
Who but me would have ever dared
To bead a necklace that is ugly squared
A necklace beaded with enough ugly pride
To bead just as ugly on the other side
Brick, Peyote, Square and African helix stitches
With fringe beneftis added to ugliness's riches
Imagine, an ugly necklace that can be worn in reverse
It leaves you wondering which side is worse?
An ugly necklace that will bring a gasp
When you see the gold elastic line clasp
Which by any stretch of the imagination
Fastens over the beaded ball without hesitation
I added two cockleburrs and said what the heck
A twice-ugly necklace should be a pain in the neck
This could leave some wearers shaken
I consider them points well taken
You have to admit that I tried my best
To make it twice as ugly as the rest
I can only hope when the judging story is told
It meets the criteria of
one (1) entry per household.
Clasp Assembly: Handmade toggle from beaded bead and gold elastic string.
Dollar Value: $200.00
Adjusted Judges Score: 3 out of 7
Detail of the clasp assembly:
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Rachael Schultz, Ashland, Wisconsin
Just Follow The Treasure Trail
Old Hermaphrodite has some of each.
Now the big question...
What to wear to the beach?
Clasp Assembly: Empty tape spool with rubber band - toggle style
Dollar Value: $20.00
Adjusted Judges Score: 3 out of 7
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McLeod Skinner, Raleigh, North Carolina
Is Elmer's Glue The New Duct Tape?
or,
Post Modern Thodora at Ravenna
Elmer's glue is great on construction paper when you are
a kid.
It cements paper,
but it washes off clothes
and counterrops.
And it is fun to peel off our skin when it's dry.
(Don't tell me you have never done that.)
It can dry white or clear,
depending on how much you use.
But for beads, alas, it's slightly brittle,
Duct tape, ah! Duct tape.
It fixes many a household woe,
from sealing packing boxes,
to getting pet hair off your clothes.
Duct tape makes beads that are big, and bold, and shiny-strong.
I even, once, used duct tape on my heating ducts.
Yes, I'd have to say duct tape is the new duct tape.
Sorry Elmer.
Clasp Assembly: Toggle clasp fashioned from odd-shaped bead and duct
tape
Dollar Value: $21.00
Adjusted Judges Score: 2 out of 7
"I have actually tested this necklace for wearability, although only
in the privacy of my own home."
-- McLeod |
Jo Ann Ritch, Waterloo, Iowa
Ode to Potscrubber
Back in the days of World War One
They used the thing, not for fun
They had to scrub those pots, you see
When they got sentence to KP.
One of the fellows sent one home
Told his wife on the phone
Add some beads, bells and stuff
To keep it from looking so rough
Wear it with pride to your Quilting Bee
And you will always think of me.
Clasp Assembly: Lanyard Clasp
Dollar Value: $250.00
(antique pot scrubber)
Adjusted Judges Score: 1 out of 7
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Ruth Ann Patton, Lebanon, Connecticut
$$$ You Bet $$$ It's Ugly!!
One friday night we all sat at the table,
Nothing to do, we didn't have cable.
I've a contest I said as we pondered the theme,
We sat there for hours and came up with a scheme.
Your dad & your sisters work at the Casino's,
So I grabbed from the cupboard an old bottle of Beano's.
He looked at me odd and said "FARTS" Oh, that's nice,
Then I dumped from the bottle our five lucky dice.
Can I have some poker chips & some fishing lures too?
He laughed then he said let's see what I can do.
From my self imposed exile I emerged rather smugly,
I was wearing the thing and said "Well, is it ugly?"
Clasp Assembly: Clip with dangling rabbits foot
Dollar Value: $200.00
Adjusted Judges Score: 2 out of 7
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Nannette M. Pyron, Pullman, Washington
Ain't No Tomfoolery
Beads, my beautiful, beautiful beads
they fulfill most of my needs,
Creative juices flow and breeds
new images that lovingly feeds,
My soul which directly leads
to happiness not unhappy misdeeds,
Without my beautiful beads
I might be stuck outside pulling weeds,
and become lost in the tall feathery reeds
with no hope of my own life's creeds,
This thought makes my heart begin to crumble as it bleeds
Got's ta have my beads,
With my beads I can make beautiful or ugly jewelry
and that ain't no tomfoolery!
Clasp Assembly: Padlock
Dollar Value: $75.00
Adjusted Judges Score: 1 out of 7
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Deb Parsons, Cogan Station, Pennsylvania
~ A Slug's Lament ~
S is for the SLIME on the trail I take...
L is for the LOVE very rarely I make...
U is for how UGLY I am, and that I cannot fake...
G is for how GOOD I am, if only you'd partake!
Slugs are lampwork glass pieces.
Clasp Assembly: Rainbow moonstone safety clasp
Dollar Value: not given
Adjusted Judges Score: 1 out of 7
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Andrea Pelch, Ridgecrest, California
My Necklace
I see you're entranced,
I can tell by your stance,
and that wide-eyed stare,
not just a glance.
It's "one-of-a-kind",
so don't make a fuss
asking for it at Neiman-Marcus.
And really...Geez..
I'm tellin' ya,
"Please...
Don't look for it at Tiffany's!"
Clasp Assembly: high-fired clay links as hook and eye clasp
Dollar Value: $10.00
Adjusted Judges Score: 1 out of 7
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Leslie Pace, Gainesville, Florida
Haiku..........The Four Elements
Fire Water Earth
Air. All the Universe here
blazing in your hand.
Clasp Assembly: "A torque is a necklace/collar made of a strip of twisted
metal. There is no clasp." -- Leslie
Dollar Value: Not given
Adjusted Judges Score: 1 out of 7
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Elisabeth Kidder, Charlottesville, Virginia
by George!
We've got to stick by George, by George!
We've got to stick by George!
You say he's made a mistake or two
(or, come to think of it, more than a few),
But drape yourself in red, white, and blue,
Cause we've got to stick by George!
...George, if my feelings for you aren't here plain enough shown,
Please hear more for yourself by tapping my phone!
And so, my dear President, I crafted for you
Out of many things red, things white, and things blue,
A necklace like you, though there's something that bugs me:
These colors don't run, but they sure got turned ugly!
Clasp Assembly: Kiln-fused glass "W" and wire-wrapped flag as hook
& eye clasp
Dollar Value: Priceless, of course! (under $10.00)
Adjusted Judges Score: 2 out of 7
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