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JANN
FERRIS
from
Vicksburg, Mississippi
Winner
DETAILED RESULTS
My Cajun Condiment Collar
"Where y'at dawlin'?"
Bet'cha wonderin' what's dat hangin' round my neck,
It's my Cajun condiment collar, and yeah, it looks kinda like a wreck.
But nowadays I need dese sauces, spices and salts handy
Cause eatin' anywhere outta New Orleans is always awful bland-y.
Ya know, f'sure, a lot o' folks dat live outside my city
Think boilin' shrimp in plain ole water leaves em sittin' pretty!
Nuh uh, sez I, you crazy man? Dat dat? You must be kiddin'!
I'd rather be at da jailhouse eatin' grits and greasy chitlin'.
NOW, my Zatarains and Tabasco come wit me wherever I go
So's I can season up my shrimp an' crabs an' mudbugs jus so.
I bring along my fork an' spoon for sauces an' the like.
Cause moppin' up da last bite wit my fingas is impolite.
I attach 'em to my collar when I need my hands free
To squeeze dose tails and suck dose heads o' crawfish...ooooooo wee!
Clasp Assembly: Key ring quick release tab
Bar-b-que Stained T-Shirt included
Note the positioning of the oyster shucking knife at the neckline
Dollar Value: $50.00 (ha!)
Adjusted Judges Score: 7 out of 7
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MARY
POAG
from
Murfreesboro, Tennessee
Runner-Up
DETAILED RESULTS
i, i, Eye
This society: I, I, I, Me, Me, Me.
I gave, I went, I saw, I think, I want, I need.
I, I, I.
I like myself,
I think I'm grand.
When I'm with me
I hold my hand.
I like myself,
I think I'm neat.
When I'm with me
life is complete.
I like myself,
I think I'm kind.
When I'm with me
It blows my mind.
"This necklace represents the many common phrases utilizing
the word "I". There are a couple of songs included as well."
Dollar Value: not given
Adjusted Judges Score: 6 out of 7
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TIM
OLIVER
from
Woodstock, Connecticut
Semi-Finalist
DETAILED RESULTS
Untitled
I don't have any friends
Or people who care
Thus the lack of a live one
My necklace to wear
I once had a great aunt
Who did beadwork with glee
And she pinned and she taped
Her amazing jewelry
Thank goodness she made them
Cause forty years later
They're in this here contest
With no intent to abate her
Clasp Assembly: Twist Ties around some large antique beads
Dollar Value: not given
Adjusted Judges Score: 5 out of 7
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RACHAEL
SCHULTZ
from
Ashland, Wisconsin
Semi-Finalist
DETAILED RESULTS
Try Channel 8
"Try channel 8." Boredly,
she replied.
He threw the remote to her and sighed --
-- Grumblin under his breath.
"So many channels, but there's
nothin' on."
She muttered vaguely, suppressing a yawn.
--they were one night closer to death.
Clasp Assembly: Toggle made from gemstone donut and loop of seed beads
Dollar Value: $120.00
Adjusted Judges Score: 5 out of 7
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BONNIE
ANDERSON
from
Kennesaw, Georgia
Semi-Finalist
DETAILED RESULTS
My Butt Ugly Necklace
Here is a little story about a gal named Jen --
She was just so silly...
She couldn't keep her Teeth IN!
She'd take 'em out to brush 'em,
She'd take 'em out to talk,
She'd take 'em out if you just asked her,
She'd take 'em out to walk.
One day she met a man
She just couldn't like --
He didn't want to see her Teeth--
She couldn't figure why!
This really hurt her feelings --
She was so proud of them,
Jen thought, "Well, I'll fix him,",
"I'll wear them for all to see --
I'll make myself a necklace
That will suit me to a T.
Clasp Assembly: Toothbrush hooked into a ring made from gum wrappers
Dollar Value: $150.00
Adjusted Judges Score: 6 out of 7
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KAREN
VOGLER
from
Corning, New York
Semi-Finalist
DETAILED RESULTS
PMS (Post Menopause Survivor) Necklace
Is there anything lonelier
than those last old unused tampons
stuffed under the sink, years after
their last heroic call to active duty?
Once pristine white,
virginal as winter snow
Now growing dingy, yellowed
their little wrappers frayed and worn,
musty and damp from leaky plumbing
They wait silently in their box
Hoping against hope.
Now proudly they serve once more
standing tall, their little chests
puffed out fluffed out
scruffy as that discarded velveteen rabbit
Once more revered...treasure
taken out to share.
Empty nest syndrome?
Au contraire!
What do women really want?
More accessories to wear!
Clasp Assembly: Garter Clasp attaching the thick braids
of the necklace
Dollar Value: $75.00
Adjusted Judges Score: 5 out of 7
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ELIZABETH
LONG
from
Lincoln, Alabama
Semi-Finalist
DETAILED RESULTS
Untitled
A poem I'm told
Is what I need
To write about
This jumble of beads.
An odd mix of colors
And bead sizes and shapes
Scattered here and there,
And just so you know
I even considered
Adding a bit of my hair.
I tried to make it ugly
And I think perhaps
I've succeeded,
With this clumsy jumble
That is completed beaded.
Clasp Assembly: Brass colored safety pin and pendant stamping
Dollar Value: $65.00
Adjusted Judges Score: 6 out of 7
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ANDREA
DUPREE
from
Houma, Louisiana
Semi-Finalist
DETAILED
RESULTS
My $2 Ugly Necklace:
Misshapen plastic creatures
float through mole-ish balls,
moldy mushrooms and a mud nest,
(presents from the earth)
mingling with golden accents
that increase their meager worth.
The Clasp Assembly: Plastic clown and angel with some
wire fit together as a hook & eye clasp
Dollar Value: $2.00
Adjusted Judges Score: 5 out of 7
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DAPHNE
GILLEN and MARGE VAN DUSEN
from
Redwood Valley, California
Semi-Finalists
DETAILED RESULTS
Ode to a Necklace of Hated Beads
To the lop-sided
And the grungy.
To the heavy
And the awkward.
A little off-color
With just a touch of whimsy.
Clasp Assembly: Simple spring ring on one strand, and hook & eye clasp
on the other
Dollar Value: $90.00
Adjusted Judges Score: 4 out of 7
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HEATHER
KELTERER
from
Ventura, California
Semi-Finalist
DETAILED
RESULTS
"Flossing Accident"
bleeding gums
string pulled, yanked, tugged
teeth
yellow, chipped, rotten
dentist
...
bills.
Clasp Assembly: Dental floss tied in a bow
Dollar Value: $2.00
Adjusted Judges Score: 5 out of 7
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Robert De Luccia, Ridgewood, New Jersey
SAVE THE WORLD --
MAKE AN UGLY NECKLACE
Civic minded suburbanites recycled for years
saving bottles and cans that held veggies and beers.
Babblenewspaper, stacked like the tower in Pisa,
was dragged to the curb with its own trash day visa,
Each pile, stash and stack, separated by color,
was a hope to save the earth with another tax dollar.
But powers 'round the world are also stock piling.
Bombs and creepy green gases the leaders are styling.
Perhaps from my trash feed come the funds that they use,
a horrible thought and a frightening ruse.
Where does the cash go? Is anyone told?
While we save, greedy statesmen spoil the Earth uncontrolled.
I out-think them, I hope, and become a bit reckless,
using all my comingled to make a real ugly necklace.
Earth-saving scraps form the three "lovely" strands
from garbage that's "ours" and from far away lands.
Nothing was purchased and nothing is new.
To stay true to my creed, I would have to "make do."
The first strand is longest and, according to plan,
beads and pendant were cut from an olive oil can.
The second is strung with shards of foiled glass.
There's a "Jack" in the bottle. He's an artist -- world class!
The shortest is Deco, fringed with woold from a sweater
and porcupine quills. Need it get any better?
I risk being labeled a scap and a cynic,
suspicious of people who don't think, just mimic
politicians following the dangerous courses
that deplete and bleed our best natural resources.
When recycling falls prey to governmental tomfoolery,
It's environmentally safer to make ugly "joolery."
Clasp Assembly: Screen door hook and stamped end bar as hook/eye clasp
Dollar Value: $300.00
Adjusted Judges Score: 4 out of 7
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Caito Amarose, McKeesport, Pennsylvania
DECK THE NECK
(a poem sung to the tune of the Christmas carol Deck the Halls)
Deck the neck with boughs of nonsense,
Ug-ug-ug-ug-ug, ug-ug-ug-ly.
'Tis the season of indulgence.
Ug-ug-ug-ug-ug, ug-ug-ug-ly.
Don we now our ugly jewelry,
Ug-ug-ug-ug-ug, ug-ug-ug-ly.
Gift in pocket, dreadful foolery,
Ug-ug-ug-ug-ug, ug-ug-ug-ly.
See the blazing beads adorn us,
Ug-ug-ug-ug-ug, ug-ug-ug-ly.
Flip the switch and light the necklace,
Ug-ug-ug-ug-ug, ug-ug-ug-ly.
Follow me in shocking measure,
Ug-ug-ug-ug-ug, ug-ug-ug-ly.
While I tell of winning pleasure,
Ug-ug-ug-ug-ug, ug-ug-ug-ly.
Sing we joyous ever after,
Ug-ug-ug-ug-ug, ug-ug-ug-ly.
Heedless of the stares and laughter,
Ug-ug-ug-ug-ug, ug-ug-ug-ly.
Clasp Assembly: Faux pine garland twisted together
Dollar Value: $150.00
Adjusted Judges Score: 3 out of 7
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John Drury, Brooklyn, New York
Ugly.
Ugly.
Ugly.
Clasp Assembly: String of bottle caps and corks, without a clasp
Dollar Value: $200.00
Adjusted Judges Score: 2 out of 7
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Yael Friedman, Brookline, Massachusetts
The Ugly Necklace
While sitting and thinking of something to do
A "masterpiece" that will create lots of Boo...
I discovered that ugly is a wonderful thing
That involves much more than some beads on a string.
One must think and design, construct and produce,
To achieve a piece that has lot of "juice".
Something ugly but great, that's the thing that I made,
I sure hope that you'll like it or is it to Hate?!!!
Clasp Assembly: Button toggle
Dollar Value: NO insurance value what so ever!
Adjusted Judges Score: 1 out of 7
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Kristing Gearhart, Ann Arbor, Michigan
WHAT I END UP WITH
All of my life
I save and collect
I am an artist
What do you expect?
But what do I do with
the things I detest?
I will compose a piece for the
Ugly Necklace Contest.
Homely pink panthers,
not cute at all,
and strange men from vending machines
about 2" tall.
An "urn shaped" decaled plastic charm,
and a funky bag which once hung from Barbie's arm.
I put it all together, as art,
instead of into a drawer.
I have made good use of
these things I abhor.
Clasp Assembly: silver craft wire homemade hook/eye clasp
Dollar Value: $75.00
Adjusted Judges Score: 1 out of 7
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Sarah M. Jones, Cincinnati, Ohio
The Festive Ugly Christmas Necklace
Oh how ugly,
Words can't describe how ugly
Worn around the neck, but supposed to be on the head
Which one should it be?
It confuses everyone
Birds. Are they real?
Why are they on a necklace?
They are so ugly
Look at those plastic, red flowers
Poinsettias they are called
They look so festive, maybe Christmas, even Hanukah
It almost reminds me of the partridge in a pear tree
Could this be the festive ugly Christmas necklace?
It could just be, it makes perfect sense
Red, gold, silver, birds and flowers all put into one
All so beautiful separately, but put together...
Oh how ugly,
The festive ugly Christmas necklace.
Clasp Assembly: Twisted Pipe Cleaners
Dollar Value: A price of two Tiffany earring studs
Adjusted Judges Score: 3 out of 7
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Peggy Bellamy Rist, Poynette, Wisconsin
The year began
with hopes and dreams,
Creative thoughts and contest schemes.
But death and woes from reality struck,
And my mind was mired in muck.
This contest somehow did appeal,
And imagination began to wheel.
Because of outrageous prices for gas,
I couldn't afford to add much to my stash.
Big Lots store came to my mind,
As a place where truly ugly stuff I could find.
The foam wheel cover was really cheap,
And the stinky lips made my mind leap.
Thought he smell of mothballs made my eyes blur,
Finally, from the trash I salvaged the yellow fur.
My Guild thought I'd caught the true essence of hideous,
And anyone who wore it would surely be piteous.
Clasp Assembly: No clasp
Dollar Value: minus -$10.00
Adjusted Judges Scores: 2 out of 7
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