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Teresa A. Mathews, Russellville, Arkansas
I can't believe, I designed this jewelry!
I must have been in foolery land,
Or drunk in hand,
Or in a funk, in a band.
For the beads, don't really succeed,
In that patern.
So it doesn't matter!
Clasp Assembly: Barrel Clasp
Dollar Value: $15.00
Adjusted Judges Score: 1 out of 7
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Dotty McMillan, Riverside, California
Fat Tuesday
(which means "Mardi Gras")
I can't explain the reason
these items took my eye.
It must have been the season
that caused me not to cry.
They all looked really nifty
With colors oh so bright.
And I was being thrifty
Or perhaps you'd call it tight.
Most of them I made myself
And bought a whole bunch more.
I placed them all upon a shelf,
and thought I should have more.
I strung them very carefully
and did the best I could.
I thought I'd made it artfully,
And went and took a rest.
But when I took another peek
I didn't act so smugly.
There lay a piece that was a freak,
It really was quite ugly!
I cried and laughed and gave a sigh,
my kids gave out with snickers.
I laughed some more and then, oh my!
I found I'd wet my knickers!
Clasp Assembly: Handmade polymer clay toggle clasp
Dollar Value: $100.00
Adjusted Judges Score: 5 out of 7
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Pate Conaway, Chicago, Illinois
Tin Can Couture
"Favorites"
1 can of tomatoes
size according to family
homogrenized
baking
salt to taste
pour into a pot all together
stir slowly
stire everyonce in a while
DO NOT LET IT BOIL
melt
serve with crackers.
serves many
5 minutes
comments:
I've been making this recipe for 40 years. My grown children always
come begging.
reminder: DO NOT BOIL
Clasp Assembly: Cord tied into a knot
Dollar Value: Seventy-Five Cents
Adjusted Judges Score: 2 out of 7
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Christine French, Cleveland, Ohio
Ugly Is My Name
Ugly is my name
But I am not to Blame
My creator found my major part
In a recycling cart
The major portion
That has quite a distortion
Consists of Seven worn out washer rings
That true to shamanic fashion brings
To life, an amulet necklace's supernatural power
That could make anyone cower
The skull in the middle
That is not very little
Adds to the spell
And my frighten you to hell
But the red feathers on the tips
Help to protect you on traveling trips
The bone beads jingle
Especially when you wiggle
In true shamanic construction
Life is made up of bits of destruction
Pieced together
To try to make life better
So an Ugly necklace I may be
But then I was created to protect thee.
Clasp Assembly: Toggle clasp
Dollar Value: $150.00
Adjusted Judges Score: 1 out of 7 |
Mary Dellucci, North Charleston, South Carolina
Haiki to an Ugly Necklace
The beach became home
Where the shell bones go to die.
They live on in dreams
Clasp Assembly: 3-strand silver clasp
Dollar Value: $68.00
Adjusted Judges Score: 2 out of 7
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Dustin Davis, Judy DeHart Davis, and Arianne Munoz, Cumberland,
Maryland
I AM A NECKLACE
NO MORE, NO LESS.
THO ADDITIONS MAY CRAM,
BUTT UGLY I AM
Clasp Assembly: Toilet seat hinge
Dollar Value: $75.00
Adjusted Judges Score: 2 out of 7
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Christie Chew-Wallace, Chicago, Illinois
Ugly Necklace Poem
I thought I had an ugly necklace
Until I wore it to the beach
The comment I received
Nearly blew me off my feet
One teeny weenie lady said,
"That looks like my dear old Uncle Billy,
Sadly, now he is very dead"
I removed the necklace from my neck
And placed it in her hand and told her,
"This gift so rare is yours to share
With absolutely no one"
She nodded, understanding
I added, now demanding
"Hide this ugly necklace
To display it would be reckless"
She grinned a grin which showed no teeth
And clenched the necklace tight
As she scooted fast away
I heard her squealing with delight.
Clasp Assembly: Tied
Dollar Value: $62.00
Adjusted Judges Score: 1 out of 7
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Lisa Wollman Bolick, Rose Hill, North Carolina
Alas, one day my stereo died, so I took it apart
and so was inspired to make this tacky heart
from all the little smithereens and doohickies inside
this treasure trove of ornament. With price
I crafted this assemblage with all serious intent.
Reviews from friends and enighbors were not so very kind
for this twisted ode to Captain Beefheart,
spewed forth from deepest mind.
That avant garde musician has challenged us with discordant song,
but alas my necklace, I fear, deserves the infamous gong
from that long ago TV show.
My necklace deserves the best of the worst.
Give my creation the grandest prize:
first among the worst!
Clasp Assembly: Handmade hook/eye clasp
Dollar Value: $75.00
Adjusted Judges Score: 3 out of 7
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Nicole Bess, St. Louis, Missouri
Cross Your Heart, Hope Not To Die
I started this necklace with puffy brown beads,
And leaves I thought were keen.
I didn't surmise,
That it looked like cow pies,
Amidst a field of green.
Multi-colored faux pearls seemed logical,
So I decided to give it a go.
Who knew that a bead
Could make your eyes bleed?
I didn't; now I know.
I next collected jewel-like fan pulls.
I figured that they would be stellar.
I know my aesthetic
Is really pathetic;
I looked like a crazed fortune teller.
I then had to choose the right clasp,
So I shelved my damaged pride.
I took stock,
Then added a lock,
To keep the wearer inside.
The cross, it lies upon my heart --
An appeal to the Creator:
For Divine intervention,
For this hapless invention,
And any unwitting spectator.
This necklace is atrocious,
So I'll have to grin and "bare" it.
It is a mess,
And may God bless,
The one who has to wear it.
Clasp Assembly: Brass Lock
Dollar Value: $10.00
Adjusted Judges Score: 3 out of 7
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